Manic Monday

You can definitely tell when it is Monday at my house. If the kids aren't fussing or fighting about something, then they are just finding ways to cause trouble. So far today they have dumped out a jar of paper clips, emptied out a box of pencils TWICE, found a stash of erasers which my daughter wants to chew on, and pretended the staplers were trains. And the office in which these items are located is OFF LIMITS unless I am in there to supervise. All I have to do is run downstairs to throw in a load of laundry, which only takes about 2 to 3 minutes, and they are right back in there making a mess. So I find myself cleaning up the same thing over and over and over again. That is probably one of the reasons I feel like I never get anything done. I mean, it is already noon and I haven't even showered or gotten dressed yet (one of the few perks of being a stay-at-home mom)!
Then there are the tantrums, which seem to occur more frequently on Mondays. My kids have had a few minor skirmishes this morning when one won't share with the other. My daughter and I have bumped heads about getting dressed and changing her diapers. Even though it is winter, she wanted to run around naked. She took off her jamas and refused to put them back on. She thought it was funny when I had to chase her around the family room to put her clothes on. She has managed to keep them on but we could have done without the screaming and kicking. Then for no apparent reason she came running after me, screaming and crying when I was about to answer the phone. I dont know what that was about but it was quickly followed by another tantrum. This time, she apparently wanted the slice of bologna intended for her brother's sandwich (or so she thought). She was mad and let me know it. She deliberately knocked my cup of coffee off the counter and proceeded to bang her head on the kitchen floor. Can someone say naptime?
I don't know why Mondays are so rotten. Maybe it is because my husband has been here all weekend to keep them in line and lay down the law. So when they wake up on Monday and he isn't here, they think they can just run wild. Or maybe it is because we usually don't have anything planned. We still follow our breakfast, lunch, snack, naptime schedule but that is about it. The rest of the day is pretty much wide open. My son doesn't have school and my daughter doesn't have gymnastics. I don't usually run errands; I save them for when my son is at school. And they just spent all weekend playing with evey toy they own and do not seem paticularly interested in any of them on Mondays. Maybe they are just bored and boredom spells trouble at my house.

Lies vs. Truth

My husband and I have very different philosophies about raising our children. This most recently became apparent when discussing the topic of lying. My son will lie to us about going potty in his diaper. Now my husband believes that is a straight up lie. I tend to think that it is the wishful thinking of a 3 year old. He wishes that he hadn’t pooped in his diaper because he knows that we will be disappointed in him. We want him to be a big boy and big boys use the potty. So he distorts the truth so we don’t think he is still a baby.
Maybe I am just reaching for an explanation. I certainly do not know what goes on in the mind of a 3 year old. But Joan Tolchin, MD, a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry, does. In a article on Parents.com entitled “Why Kids Lie,” she says that toddlers are still trying to figure out the difference between reality and fantasy. So when a 3 year old lies, they don’t do it knowingly or willingly and they certainly do not have any malicious intent. It may simply be thei r expression of what the wish were true.
That being said, my husband disagrees. He thinks that when my son lies, he knows he is telling a lie. So when he tells us he didn’t potty in his diaper, he gets in trouble, not for having an accident, but for lying about it. I believe this is the wrong approach but mine is not much better. While my husband disciplines, I rationalize. I explain to my son that he shouldn’t lie and that lying is bad. Neither of these approaches is successful according to Dr. Saarni, a professor of counseling at Sonoma State University. She says that “a long lecture about the virtues of being honest would be way over your toddler’s head.” But it is also pointless to punish him for lying and may even cause him more harm in the long run.
So what are we as parents to do? We want our children to be honest and tell the truth. We want them to value honesty and we believe that we need to instill these values at an early age. But until they truly comprehend what truth is, they cannot learn the value of it. For now, I want my son to know that I trust him and encourage him to tell the truth. But I won’t expect him to understand the importance of honesty or demand it from him until he can separate fact from fiction.

A Little Make-Believe

My kids love to play racecars. They don’t just play with matchbox cars, they are the cars. They line up behind the couch, wait until I say, “Ladies and gentleman,” before they get revved up. I introduce them using their aliases, Tanner “Doc” racecar and Taylor “Lightening McQueen” racecar. They drive out to the podium and say a few words, mostly mumbling something about being careful of the other racers. Then I tell them to start their engines. Ready, set, go and the racers are off. Round and round the family room they go in circles until one crashes and needs repairs or they run out of gas. They come in for new tires every few laps and the race continues until one or the other decides suddenly that it is over. I hand out their blue ribbons, they take a victory lap and they line up to do it all again. This could go on all night if we let it.
Besides playing racecars, they also love to be trains. This time the setting is the kitchen; the track starts at the island then wraps around the table. My son has many alter train egos; he is James or Percy, Gordon or Mavis. My daughter is almost always Thomas. Again, I usually have to introduce them and say “Go, Thomas,” and “Go, James,” before they take off on the tracks. With whistles blowing and engines chugging, they find their own adventures at every turn. Sometimes they head to the “docks” or the “station”; other times they deliver the mail or haul coal. Each time around the track brings new excitement as they let their imaginations soar.
Whether they are being racecars or trains, they enjoy the freedom of childhood and the thrill of imagination. It is wonderful to watch them develop their young minds. There is nothing more beautiful and innocent than the creativity of a child. It is so pure and refreshing. If only we could all take a few moments out of our busy days and remember what it is like to pretend. If only we could hold on to the magic of childhood forever!

Potty Training Advice

My mom is aware of the potty training problems I am having with my son and she recently sent me an article explaining a new, and somewhat radical, solution. The article, “Expect potty-training success, and it will come” written by John Rosemond, discusses a program designed for older children who are not yet potty trained and may be resisting the use of the potty. Mr. Rosemond refers to a common problem known as “stool refusal” and uses this as the basis for his advice. My son does not have this problem; he simply will not use the potty at all. But despite this variation, the article does offer a possible solution for my problem.
To begin, Mr. Roesmond recommends using the child’s doctor as the authority who is demanding the use of the potty. My son, who is 3 1/2, knows what a doctor is and does and he has seen his doctor dozens of time, but I doubt that he would recognize him as an “authority.” The only authority figures in his life are myself and my husband and he hasn’t listened to either of us yet when it comes to understanding the necessity of going to the bathroom. We can certainly try using the “doctor” to motivate him, but I am not sure how successful that will be.
The next step in this process is to force the child to remain in the bathroom by himself until he has a bowel movement. In our case, I would just like him to do something on the potty without having an audience. Our problem with this aspect of the process is that my son will not stay in the bathroom by himself. But Mr. Rosemond addresses this problem and explains that if the child refuses “to stay in the bathroom, [the parents] were to gate him in.” This is what got my attention. Maybe we should put a gate on the door so I can walk away and he won’t follow. While this goes against most philosophies I have read on potty training, it may be just the solution we need. I don’t want to force my son into potty training, but he needs to learn soon. He is getting too old to keep wearing diapers and the older he gets, the harder it is going to be to teach him. I will give him a few more weeks, maybe months, to come around on his own. But if he isn’t potty trained by the time he turns 4, then we may have to put this plan into action. Then I can stop wishing he would use the potty and tell him to just do it!

Potty Training Trouble

I hate changing diapers. I couldn’t wait until my son turned 3 because I was sure that he would be potty trained and out of diapers. When that day came and went, I hoped that he would be potty trained for the first day of preschool. Well, that day came and went also. He is now 4 months away from his 4th birthday and we are no closer to being potty trained than they day we welcomed him into this world. I keep waiting for that miracle moment when he is ready, when he comes to me and says, “Mommy, I need to use the potty.” But I don’t know how much longer I can wait.
I have read everything there is on potty training and spoken to his pediatrician who assures me that my son will learn in his own good time and that lots of boys are not potty trained at this age. Well, that may be true, but I don’t know of any! We have tried rewards including stickers, stamps, potty charts, play- time on the computer, m & m’s. Nothing has worked. I tried taking him to the potty every hour and making him sit, hoping he would do something. But he wouldn’t sit still unless I stayed with him and I could only sit on the bathroom floor for so long. We remind him constantly to tell us when he needs to go potty and he never does. And even when we ask him if he pooped or peed in his diaper, he usually tells us no. We tried having him wear underpants but what a mess! After a few days of that, we went back to diapers. I wonder if he even realizes what it feels like to go number 1 or number 2 or is he just so absorbed in being a 3 year old that he doesn’t have time to worry about it?
Well, I worry about it. I don’t want to push him too hard because I understand that might just make him resist even more. But I also don’t want to have the only child in school who still wears diapers (even though he is the only one right now). And did I mention that I hate changing diapers?
We have had a recent breakthrough of sorts. Instead of insisting that big boys wear diapers, he now states that big boys wear underpants. That doesn’t mean that he is ready to lose the diapers yet but maybe we are getting closer. He does take great pride in picking out a pair of big boy underpants each day which he wears, yes, over top of his diapers! To be continued…

Being a Perfect Parent

I am a parent. Probably not a very good one. So instead of offering advice and sharing good parenting tips and tricks, I will more than likely share my questions about raising children. Maybe some of you have the same questions and concerns, the same doubts and insecurities. I would like to think that I am not the only one who sometimes feels like I don’t know what I am doing. The only model we have for how to be a parent is our own parents. And I am sure that I have intrinsically acquired some of their values and lessons, but I still don’t feel that I have the adequate skills I need to be the “perfect” parent. Don’t get me wrong, I am not blaming my parents for not teaching me. It just wasn’t relevant at the time and I guess I didn’t pay much attention to the how they raised me. Not that it would have mattered much anyway because I would still be the same person and the same kind of mom that I am. I am not a disciplinarian, I am not strict, I am not consistent. I don’t know how to be those things even though I know my kids would be better off in the long run. It is just isn’t in my nature. I let my kids get away with too much because I want them not only to love me but to like me too. At least I know that I have succeeded in that respect. My kids do love me and I am grateful for that. But have I really taught them about consequences, disappointment, right and wrong? Have I instilled in them respect for me and for others? Have I taught them manners and patience? Have I taught them anything positive? Only time will tell. I will continue to nurture them and care for them and try to meet their needs as best as I can. I didn’t turn out too bad so hopefully they won’t either.

Where the Wild Things Are

Hi and welcome to my blog. Since this is my first real post, I thought I would begin by telling you why I chose the title Where the Wild Things Are. If you continue to read my future posts, I am sure it will become quite evident, but for now it seems like the right place to begin my journey into the world of blogging.

Most of you, I believe, are familiar with Maurice Sendak’s children’s book Where the Wild Things Are. As a child, this was one of my favorite books (my other favorite being Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown). I can still remember my mom reading this book to me night after night before I went to bed. I heard the story so many times that I can still recite it word for word even now that I am an adult. My mom (thankfully) saved my childhood copy of the book and passed it on to me when I became a mother. That same story quickly became a favorite of my son who is now 3 ½ years old. The pages are tattered and torn but the story remains the same and so do the memories. The book has been loved, hugged, cried on, slept with, thrown, and stepped on. It almost has a life of its own and has been treated in the same way that life often treats most of us. But in the end, it is a priceless memory from my past and I hope that my children will come to have the same connection and same love for the story that I do.

We now have a brand new copy of the book along with our very own Max doll. This one has been tucked away in a safe place so that it will not be destroyed before my children are old enough to really appreciate the value of books. Which brings me to my second reason for choosing this title for my blog. It is not all about my love for the book but also because of my “wild” life. I have two kids ages 2 and 3 ½. They are 16 months apart in age and right now, life is pretty crazy with them. They definitely have their “Max” moments and they have the same vivid imaginations. They are at such a terrific age but with that comes a lot of chaos. Since life with my kids will more than likely become the subject of most of my blogs, I wanted a title that truly reflected what that is like.