Lies vs. Truth

My husband and I have very different philosophies about raising our children. This most recently became apparent when discussing the topic of lying. My son will lie to us about going potty in his diaper. Now my husband believes that is a straight up lie. I tend to think that it is the wishful thinking of a 3 year old. He wishes that he hadn’t pooped in his diaper because he knows that we will be disappointed in him. We want him to be a big boy and big boys use the potty. So he distorts the truth so we don’t think he is still a baby.
Maybe I am just reaching for an explanation. I certainly do not know what goes on in the mind of a 3 year old. But Joan Tolchin, MD, a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry, does. In a article on Parents.com entitled “Why Kids Lie,” she says that toddlers are still trying to figure out the difference between reality and fantasy. So when a 3 year old lies, they don’t do it knowingly or willingly and they certainly do not have any malicious intent. It may simply be thei r expression of what the wish were true.
That being said, my husband disagrees. He thinks that when my son lies, he knows he is telling a lie. So when he tells us he didn’t potty in his diaper, he gets in trouble, not for having an accident, but for lying about it. I believe this is the wrong approach but mine is not much better. While my husband disciplines, I rationalize. I explain to my son that he shouldn’t lie and that lying is bad. Neither of these approaches is successful according to Dr. Saarni, a professor of counseling at Sonoma State University. She says that “a long lecture about the virtues of being honest would be way over your toddler’s head.” But it is also pointless to punish him for lying and may even cause him more harm in the long run.
So what are we as parents to do? We want our children to be honest and tell the truth. We want them to value honesty and we believe that we need to instill these values at an early age. But until they truly comprehend what truth is, they cannot learn the value of it. For now, I want my son to know that I trust him and encourage him to tell the truth. But I won’t expect him to understand the importance of honesty or demand it from him until he can separate fact from fiction.

Where the Wild Things Are

Hi and welcome to my blog. Since this is my first real post, I thought I would begin by telling you why I chose the title Where the Wild Things Are. If you continue to read my future posts, I am sure it will become quite evident, but for now it seems like the right place to begin my journey into the world of blogging.

Most of you, I believe, are familiar with Maurice Sendak’s children’s book Where the Wild Things Are. As a child, this was one of my favorite books (my other favorite being Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown). I can still remember my mom reading this book to me night after night before I went to bed. I heard the story so many times that I can still recite it word for word even now that I am an adult. My mom (thankfully) saved my childhood copy of the book and passed it on to me when I became a mother. That same story quickly became a favorite of my son who is now 3 ½ years old. The pages are tattered and torn but the story remains the same and so do the memories. The book has been loved, hugged, cried on, slept with, thrown, and stepped on. It almost has a life of its own and has been treated in the same way that life often treats most of us. But in the end, it is a priceless memory from my past and I hope that my children will come to have the same connection and same love for the story that I do.

We now have a brand new copy of the book along with our very own Max doll. This one has been tucked away in a safe place so that it will not be destroyed before my children are old enough to really appreciate the value of books. Which brings me to my second reason for choosing this title for my blog. It is not all about my love for the book but also because of my “wild” life. I have two kids ages 2 and 3 ½. They are 16 months apart in age and right now, life is pretty crazy with them. They definitely have their “Max” moments and they have the same vivid imaginations. They are at such a terrific age but with that comes a lot of chaos. Since life with my kids will more than likely become the subject of most of my blogs, I wanted a title that truly reflected what that is like.